either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
