Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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