I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
