so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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