I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
