eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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