No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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