We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
