This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
