well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
