i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
