worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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