Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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