Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
