Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
