if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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