People with herpes should wear stickers.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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