Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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