What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
