This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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