I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
