New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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