Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
