It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
