Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i've created a new STD.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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