why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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