You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
