Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
