She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My balls are so social today.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
