I was born with a shot glass in my hand
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
