Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize