im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
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We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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