Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
