It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
