My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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