You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
