The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
