Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
