Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
