dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
