I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize