There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
