Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I lost the right to judge tonight
I supernannyed him into submission
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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