This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
