im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
