I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
