I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
