just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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