My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Can you bring me the toilet please
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
