Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
