I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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