No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.