Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?