Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
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He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.