You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
