Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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