the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
