I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
be right there i have to get my cape
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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