if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
