I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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