You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I see more hoeing in ur future
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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