so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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