i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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