Umm I'm too high to move.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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