Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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