I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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