Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
