I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
