somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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