Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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