Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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