Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
