It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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