I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
