Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
