i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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