11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
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Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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