Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize