Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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